We all know who they are. We love Above The Law’s way with words so we’ll leave you in their capable hands.

If Donald Trump allows his disappointment that Jeff Sessions is not his personal lawyer to lead him into firing his most dangerous and effective cabinet appointment, there are two logical, “loyal” replacements.

One option is Chris “Reek” Christie. Christie wants the job, is qualified for the job, and has so utterly debased himself in service of Trump that there is literally no lower that he can sink. Chris Christie (allegedly) closes bridges to get back at his political enemies. He closes beaches and then goes to the beach. I do not think he would hesitate to close Robert Mueller’s investigation.

Christie is massively unpopular, but when he wasn’t busy doing Trump’s bidding, he’d probably be a fairly normal attorney general, at least in the context of what normal Republicans think passes for effective administration of justice. He doesn’t have the independent backbone to stand up to Trump, but he also doesn’t have Jeff Sessions’s passion to make actual war on minorities, immigrants, and non-white drug users. He’d be a fine A.G. — and by “fine” I mean “a terrible legal mouthpiece for an administration that does not respect the law, yet better than the current Klan sympathizer running the show.” We can, and literally have, bigger problems than A.G. Chris Christie.

The other A.G. option is the one that Trump is allegedly pondering: Rudolph Giuliani. When reached for comment, Giuliani merely raised his hands at progressive onlookers.