Grab your overpriced cocktail, folks—Big Alcohol wants to regulate your hemp now. Yes, the same industry that brought us frat house hangovers, tequila-fueled karaoke regrets, and Tuesday morning AA meetings now wants to oversee cannabinoids in Tennessee. Because apparently, nothing says “we understand cannabis” like a board full of whiskey lobbyists trying to pronounce “cannabinoid” without sounding like your drunk uncle reading a science book.
Wait… What’s a Cannabinoid Again?
Let’s start with the basics, because clearly, the Alcoholic Beverage Commission (TABC) hasn’t.
A cannabinoid is not something you chase with lime and salt. It’s a naturally occurring compound found in hemp and cannabis, many of which (like CBD, CBG, and THC) interact with your body’s endocannabinoid system. Never heard of it? Don’t worry, neither has your local liquor distributor.
While alcohol floods your system and dehydrates your brain cells into a blissful stupor (and then a headache), cannabinoids modulate stress, regulate sleep, support mood, and stimulate appetite. In fact, some cannabinoids are so gentle, they’re used in children’s epilepsy medications. Can you say the same about Fireball?
From Barstool to Boardroom: The Booze Industry’s Grand Delusion
Tennessee’s HB1376 proposes putting the regulation of hemp-derived cannabinoids under the TABC. That’s like asking the Marlboro Man to run a yoga studio.
Let’s be real: the alcohol industry barely understands its own PR problems, let alone the science behind cannabis. They’re the guys still pretending vodka soda is a “healthy choice.” Now they want to regulate nanoemulsified, dual-extracted cannabinoid products with synergistic terpene profiles?
Sure, Jan.
It would be cute if it weren’t so dangerous. These are people whose risk assessment strategy involves beer pong tournaments and encouraging shots named after military-grade explosives.
The Real Agenda: Cannibalize the Competition
This isn’t about “public safety.” It’s about market share.
Cannabinoid beverages are exploding in popularity—and not in the “drunken brawl at the honky tonk” way. They offer social elevation without the booze bloat, aggression, or shame spiral. And Big Alcohol is nervous. Very nervous.
With Gen Z and Millennials trading shots for gummies, the liquor cartel is watching their future go up in smoke—delicious, lavender-infused, Delta-9 vaporized smoke. So what’s their solution?
Buy the regulators. Change the rules. Kick the cool kids off the playground and install themselves as hall monitors.
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