AUTHORED BY: JORDAN ZOOT
Managing Director & CEO – aBIZinaBOX Inc. – CPA’s
Accounting, Attest, Tax, Regulatory Compliance and Technology
Evanston HQ [Chicago] – Oakland – New York
Verticals: California Commercial Cannabis Industry, Alt. Investments/Private Equity, Real Estate, Professional Services, IRS Controversy, OPR Practitioner Represenatio and Distressed Assets/Debt
Advanced & High Complexity Cloud Integrator
AICPA PCPS, CAQ, IMTA, CITP
ISACA CGEIT, CISM
Technologies & Platforms – with Certifications and Full Partner Program Members
Google Cloud Partner – G Suite, Education, Chrome, Android
Google Partners – Adwords & Analytics
Microsoft CSP Silver Partner – Office 365, Azure Platform
Amazon Web Services – Consulting Partner, EC2, S3, Dockers
Collab., Sync & Sharing – box.com, Dropbox Business, cloudHQ.net
Enterprise Apps – salesforce.com, Evernote Business, Zendesk
workato.com – Advanced Integration Platform, Fishbowl Inventory & ERP
Financial Apps – Xero Gold Accounting Partner, METRC,
AICPA – PCPS, CAQ Member Firm
State CPA Societies in California, Florida, Illinois, New York and Texas
Members – ICAEW, CIOT, CAANZ, and The Tax Institute in the UK and Australia
Expertise with Regulatory Compliance – US – HIPAA, FINRA, SEC Rule 17(a)(3)/(4), eDiscovery, FINCEN – EU- EBA, ESMA, EIOPA UK – BoE, PRA, FCA
AICPA Member Firm
– Center for Audit Quality Firm# 2092102
– Private Companies Practice Section Firm# 02092102
We spoke to a 24-year-old Cannabis Marketing Expert over the weekend. I am still in awe of her brilliance and embarrassed…she called me a “nerd”, “tax geek” and “your grandpa’s CPA”.
Essentially said that everything I learned over the past thirty-seven years worthless.
She said “no one cares about where you went to school, or that you were a Big 4 firm Tax Partner. What matters today is “buzz words”, flash and how many cool apps you use in your practice.
She says, “you can’t imagine the damage you did to yourself by not becoming a Xero Ambassador or a Tax Super Ninja Guru”.
Then she got me, with a pitch I couldn’t resist. Since she is so smart and none of you would ever think of this, here is what we are going to do….
- I am going to change my legal name to “Elmer Cannabis Fudd“…any name that has “cannabis”, cannabiz, or 710 in it just SCREAMS expertise.
- We are going to sign up to become “Dope CPA’s“…plain old CPA doesn’t mean much, sort of like Clown Accounting.
- We are going to stop producing three thousand word articles since no one wants to read that much of this boring stuff.
- Next, we are moving our headquarters to northern Idaho, about 60 miles east of Spokane, the WA…that way we will bee a major force in serving the Idaho adult-use cannabis market. We might as well open 77 virtual offices in our own minds as well.
Elmer Cannabis Fudd – Dope CPA ???
Has the dripping sarcasm caught anyone yet?
If you know me well it was obvious with the first line of this article. We are fed up, just sick and tired of the stream of gibberish, prattle, and blather that is flowing forth from many of our colleagues that serve the cannabis industry. It reminds me of the mix of effluent that spewed out of my dog’s backside after he ingested self-lighting charcoal briquets as a puppy and I gave him an enema mixed with seltzer to clean him out. [Note: If you insist on producing this kind of garbage, at least read Post Stupid Stuff – Make Sure Its Yours so you don’t get trapped by a plagiarism checker.]
Let’s get more specific…how many articles have you read on IRC Sec 280E that mention “Cost of Goods Sold” or the CHAMPS case and don’t say much of anything else.
Well here is what we have said about IRC Sec. 280E in the past three months:
Here are a couple of recent pieces focused on the commercial cannabis market in California
Do you detect a difference between us and Cleatus Smelly EA, the Dope CPA, the Idaho Cannabis CPA and every other master of “cannabiz” and “buzz words”? Yea I know we seem kind of arrogant and really abrasive…well folks twenty years in transactional practice in New York will that to you.
As a takeaway, we are going to bring back a really old and kind of amateurish piece of Photoshop I did…after a client describes me to a prospective client as an “Israel Defense Forces D9 Armored Bulldozer with the reverse gear removed…look out Cletus…
Elmer Cannabis Fudd – Dope CPA ???